Recently I heard a young woman say dating is obsolete. “Really?” I asked, to which she replied, “No one has time for that silliness anymore.”
Fourteen years ago I left an abusive relationship with the clothes on my back and no shoes on my feet. I was done with love and my dreams of that knight in shining armor riding in to save me was history. I was too old for fairytales.
A few years later my daughters thought it would be a good idea for me to start dating, the online way. After a few months of weeding out the porn sending slobs, I got pretty good at reading between the lines of inflated bios and started to enjoy dating. Actual dating was something I had never really done. For me it was one date, relationship and marriage with my ex-husband. The other two serious relationships I had went that way as well.
What I was missing back then was the fact that determining someone’s character isn’t easy and finding someone with values that match yours is hard. It takes time.
Character and values reveal themselves slowly over time. Actually seeing how someone treats servers and how they tip, how they react in unexpected traffic and how easily they forgive is telling.
Now dating apps are all the rage. Unfortunately 95 percent of men are looking for casual sex and 95 percent of women are looking for instant love… a recipe for consistent disappointment and frustration for both.
It’s true we’re more connected now than ever before. News from around the world is distributed in seconds. Texting and messaging are convenient and time saving, but what’s missing is emotion. So much more is revealed when we sit across from one another and make eye contact.
Nothing can replace that feeling of anticipation as we wait for the day to arrive, the excitement we feel as we get ready for a first date. The quickening of our heart at the sound of the knock on the door is epic.
There are endless opportunities to meet anyone we’re looking for whether they be Christian, Jewish, gay or a farmer. The problem is too many people confuse connections for relationships these days.
Yes, I got lucky, but actually I listened to the advice of my brilliant daughters. Go on many dates before committing. Take your time. Have fun. Ask questions and look them in the eye when they answer.
Seeing with our eyes will never replace feeling with our hearts.
Dating must not become obsolete. It’s time to make it relevant and fun again!
“You know, the man of my dreams might walk around the corner tomorrow. I’m older and wiser, and I think I’d make a great girlfriend. I live in the realm of romantic possibility.” -Stevie Nicks