Since no one had “the” sex conversation with me, I’m not sure I even knew what it was. The first time I had sex, I got pregnant, so it reinforced that the “good girl” route was safer. Fortunately, my first husband put that myth to rest. Since I’ve been on both sides of the good girl-bad girl fence, even if you’re a conservative, lights out, with your nighty on kind of girl, I believe there’s a lot of validity to 5 Seconds of Summer’s fun song, Good Girls Are Bad Girls That Haven’t Been Caught. Where are you on the good girl-bad girl sexuality scale? Are you happy with where you are, or are there some changes you’d like to make?
If you’re starting over with a new partner, you can be whoever you want from the outset. No history. No preconceived notions. If you’ve been in a longtime, conservative sexual relationship, and you’d like to bump it up a notch, or two, or three, you may be uncomfortable initiating the conversation. Don’t get discouraged. Men are easily led down the garden path, so you can steer the moment into anything you want it to be. No conversation necessary. You just need the confidence and determination to do it.
“YOU’RE THE ONLY NAKED WOMAN IN THE ROOM. HE’S GOING TO LOVE YOU!” —OPRAH WINFREY
A woman I know said she has a great guy, but she wishes he were a bad boy. He doesn’t have the right attitude in the bedroom. Unless he’s sexually hung-up for some reason, I don’t think there’s a man alive who hasn’t fantasized about sex in ways beyond what’s happening in his marital bed. That said, you already have the green light to try something new.
If you haven’t done anything other than wham bam in the missionary position, then more than likely, you’re the one who needs to get comfortable with asking for, and demonstrating what you want. Not to stereotype, but men think with their “little brain.” If you’re overweight, missing a breast, or he hasn’t seen this new behavior from you before, it doesn’t matter. The key to being great in bed is enthusiasm! A woman who acts like she’s having fun makes up for extra pounds and any nerves, or lack of confidence. What if you start with something simple like a kiss?
I love Kevin Costner’s line in Bull Durham where he tells Susan Sarandon he believes in “long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.” Softly and gently suck and lick your partner’s lower lip, and don’t let him shift into high gear. I’m betting he’s going to like it, which in turn, will empower you. In case you don’t know it, you already have the power. If he seems surprised and asks, “What are you doing?,” put your finger to his lips, lean in close and whisper, “Just relax and enjoy.”
There are lots of ways to introduce new things that can have big results. Perhaps you start on his ankle, and slowly work your way up the inside of his legs, with your hands and tongue, careful to leave his little brain alone. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what you’re doing. He’s not going to notice, and you’ll figure it out.
So back to the “good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught…” Instead of waiting for the bad boy to catch you, or you’re married to a good boy, just reverse it: Good boys are bad boys that haven’t been caught. You don’t need a long lead-in, or an explanation of what and why you’re doing it. Just do it!