We’ve all heard stories about people who “died in their sleep,” but did you know they might have died from sleep apnea? For years I’ve known I had sleep apnea, but I wasn’t motivated to do anything about it until I learned of its deadly impact on the heart. Recently I found an email I sent to a friend in 2017: “I’m fine except for being tired. Think it’s sleep apnea, but I’m not going to wear one of those ‘silence of the lambs masks.’”
Boy, was that a dumb decision.
If you’re like me, you might think sleep apnea simply means you snore. Several people have told me I snore, and on a trip, I woke up to one of my good girlfriends since high school, beating me with a pillow and shouting, “Shut up! You’re as bad as my husband!”
Since then, I’ve learned sleep apnea is a common condition that affects one in four men and one in 10 women. If left undiagnosed and untreated, severe sleep apnea can triple our chances of having a heart attack. It also increases our chances of having Atrial-Fibrillation by twofold, and a lot of people have high blood pressure because of their untreated sleep apnea. If those statistics aren’t bad enough, it also raises our chances of having congestive heart failure by almost 60%.
This is a photograph of my darling friend, Elizabeth, wearing her sleep apnea mask. Many of you may know Elizabeth online as the Vintage Contessa, or if you’re long-term readers of my blog, you’ll remember her as the stranger who invited me to California to have lunch with her in her home, and I went.
That was five years ago and now we talk almost every week on the phone!
Six months ago, Elizabeth learned she’s in heart failure. It’s been a terrifying and life-altering diagnosis. She’s only 63-years-old!
Recently she was also diagnosed with sleep apnea, and for the last four weeks, she’s been using a sleep apnea mask/machine and her quality of sleep and her extreme tiredness–which is part of heart failure–has dramatically improved. Now she sleeps at least eight hours a night and is down to a two-hour nap, or no nap in the afternoon. Before the sleep mask, she took marathon naps and barely had enough energy to get through her day, even with a nap.
Sleep apnea, when properly diagnosed and corrected with a well-fitting sleep mask is a game-changer. You sleep better, your memory is improved, you have more energy, and it could quite possibly save your life.
Here’s a selfie I took during my recent sleep study. No, my neck normally doesn’t have that many fat roles! Hey! It took guts to post this picture! I told Elizabeth compared to mine, hers is a “glamour shot.”
Moments after I took this, I texted it to Elizabeth who had to study it for a while before she believed it was me. I have no makeup on, and I’m uncomfortable with all the wires and the huge mask.
Now, I’m waiting for my next appointment when they’ll tell me what type of mask I need to wear. Hopefully, it’s smaller like Elizabeth’s.
Even if your weight is under control, you exercise regularly, and you think you’re too young to die of sleep apnea, think again. We’ve all thought dying peacefully in our sleep would be a “good way to go,” but if we’re healthy and vibrant with lots of living ahead of us, wouldn’t that be a tragedy?
Sleep apnea can be deadly for women over 50, so if you and/or your spouse snore, or wake up tired, call your doctor and ask them to schedule you for a sleep study. It could save your life.
Sleep apnea is a silent killer.
55 Comments
Brenda: I was diagnosed with sleep apnea over ten years ago when I was just so dopey by sundown that I appeared medicated. I hated the test with all that gunk in my hair but it showed I had over 30 apneic episodes each hour. So I use a CPAP religiously every night. I can get by with a very small nose cone which is quite manageable leaving no morning lines on my face. The only problem is travel….the travel CPAPs are so noisy that my husband complained and the bedside model is bulky. I use mine without humidification so I now tote it in a cute padded lunch bag from Target and the hose in a Crown Royal bag. I promise you it will make a difference in how you feel.
Susan!
You need a new machine!Very small and compact!No noise!
Elizabeth
Thank you…I will check the newer models out. Hope you continue to feel better and see improvement.
Hi Susan, I’m waiting for an appointment for someone to help me read the report so I’m not sure how many apnea episodes I had. It’s all Greek to me. Did you see Elizabeth’s comments about looking into a smaller, less noisy machine? xoxox, Brenda
I have been diagnosed with mild sleep apnea and have had many rounds with a CPAP machine to no avail. I really seriously feel worse after using one, and I did stick with it for 30 days. Also if you are a snorer which most CPAP users are, he will need a mask that covers your mouth also. I sincerely hope you have better luck than me. I started mouth taping five years ago after doing the research and I feel that is helping a lot, since you don’t get enough oxygen when you breathe through your mouth. My sleep stats are pretty good according to my Fitbit. I am seeing a neurologist regarding some older strokes and she is running more tests, it’s a good possibility she’ll put me back on the CPAP. Whether I will be able to tolerate it is another question. Thanks for the post!
Give it another try!
I’m using only the nose mask and am able to keep my mouth closed.
Much smaller machines!
Work better then 8 years ago for me!
Beth, Just the term “mouth taping” gives me claustrophobia! During my second sleep study they offered me the choice of taping my mouth shut or fitting me with a second contraption that keeps my mouth shut. I opted for that one although it was claustrophobic as well. Are you mouth taping now, but not using a mask? The only other term that bothers me more about all of this is “STROKES” so I will follow through and absolutely do my best to find the right combination. Surely there’s a better way. I mean we’ve been to the moon!!! I have a friend who’s an industrial designer. He designed Skylab. Think I’ll put the bug in his ear about this. Keep me posted on what your doctor decides. Thanks! Brenda
Brenda, You have my attention! I never feel rested after a night’s sleep. And a few months ago my daughter came for a visit and she said she could hear me snoring from her room down the hall. I’m calling my doctor on Monday. Thank you.
Hi Rita! Oh, good. Better safe than sorry, right? xoxox, Brenda
Wow, Brenda – what great information. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but with a solution at hand, and a fabulous role model like Elizabeth, I know you will do what it takes to be well. You are strong, and yes, you are brave! I’ve been paying attention to those Inspire commercials for sleep apnea, the ones with the implant. (I recently had my heart monitor implant removed – its capabilities for monitoring my heart were impressive!) I think soon the implants could become an alternative to the masks, making treatment even easier for many!
Love and Healing, sweet friend! XO
Yes!
I heard about those too but because I’m mild sleep apnea wasNot recommended.
Rena what is going on with your heart?
Xxx
Hi Donna, None of the current alternatives sound appealing, especially one implanted in the heart. We should talk. I want to hear more about having your heart monitor implant removed. Has your cardiologist mentioned the “Watchman?” Egad… It’s even more invasive! My doctor wants me to have one after my next birthday. Ha! Oh, the joys of getting older. Love you, Brenda
Hello Brenda. Found your post from Elizabeth ‘s IG account. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea years ago and thought I didn’t want to wear the mask every night. I’ve since retired and thankfully have Medicare which paid for my sleep study and equipment. I’ve been using CPAP for the last 3 years. I was using a nose mask, however, I would wake up with a dry throat that felt a little sore until I would have some water or my first cup of tea. I returned to my pulmonologist and she suggested I try a fullface mask. I did, but hated it. Then the respiratory therapist I worked with suggested I use “mouth tape” with my nose mask. it has made all the difference! The tape keeps my lips closed so that I’m not mouth breathing and I no longer have a dry sore throat when I wake. The tape is available on Amazon. Thought I would share that in case others have a similar problem with CPAP.
I have a friend Lisa who uses mouth tape !
She gives it TEN STARS!
Xxx
Jimminy, Jess! This gives a whole knew meaning to the word “mouth breather!” Think I’d almost rather be thought of as a dingbat than tape my mouth shut while I sleep. That said, if tape would allow me to use a smaller nose piece like Elizabeth’s, I’ll give it a go. You can buy it on Amazon, and here I’ve been thinking of duct tape! xoxox, Brenda
I too was diagnosed with sleep apnea. Just woke up from a great 8 hour sleep. Sleep with the fitted nose mask. It travels well. Have been to Maui and up and down California with it. I sleep so much better!
I AGREE WITH YOU!
Nose mask user here!
Thanks for the encouraging review, Leila! I have hope I can use something like yours. xoxox, Brenda
Oh, this is scary Brenda! I don’t know if I have sleep apnea but I wake up with a really dry mouth and no matter whether I exercise or eat right or get to sleep early I’m tired all the time. Lordy! What’s next?
Please get it checked, Arlo! I wake up with a very dry mouth as well, which tells me I’m breathing through my mouth which is one of the signs of sleep apnea. Mouth breathers don’t get as much oxygen to the heart. Being tired is another symptom. Get thyself to a doctor and let me know what happens. The testing is a pain, but worth it. xoxox, Brenda
Great post! Hopefully it will save lives. Getting a study done asap
Smart woman, Kim! xoxox, Brenda
I always wonder how it is possible to sleep at all with all that paraphernalia. I sure hope I never need to try but honor you and Elizabeth for adapting for better health.
I even have conquered sleeping on my side!!!
Can be done!
I’ve wondered the same thing, but not dying in my sleep or having a stroke is a great motivator. xoxox, Brenda
Several years ago, (I was about 55), I was diagnosed with mild to moderate sleep apnea and started on a CPAP machine. I used it for almost a year even though I woke up with so much gas I couldn’t stand up straight in the morning. Even after multiple adjustments to the pressure and trying different masks I could not tolerate it so I gave up. I guess I swallowed air all night! I’m so fatigued now and would love another solution. May I ask who you saw in San Antonio since I am local? Maybe there is another option for me these days!
Check into the mouth pieces!
They are like a retainer!
Very easy!
A comment should come here in a day or two from a man who INVENTED THEM WITH A DENTIST! His name is DAVE.
Hi Julie! How did you like your facial with Adrianna? Hope to see you there again. Gas? Oh, my!! My cardiologist referred me to the Texan Methodist Sleep Center, 210-575-2727. It’s next door to the Texan Heart Hospital on IH-10, near Fredrickburg Rd. My primary doctor says there’s also one in Shavano Park, Dr. Avie Grunspan, Sleep Medicine doctor, 210-249-5020. This week I hope to get a follow up appointment to see what mask I should wear. At least I/you have a couple of choices. Please let me know. You can email me, [email protected] Brenda
My husband and grown son were both fitted with an appliance that is very similar to a retainer. They use this instead of the mask or nose piece and it works very well. Certain dentists are qualified to make this and fit it to each person. It really helps for someone that can’t adjust to a machine.
Thanks Sarah! It’s great to know there’s an alternative to the different masks and taping the mouth shut. Taping the mouth shut…. It makes me conjure up visions of being held prisoner. It’s all so Byzantine! Brenda
Even snoring is uncool, and while it may not have as much of an effect on your health as sleep apnea, they’re related and troublesome. If you even think you might snore…you snore.
I saw an ad for the ZQuiet mouthguard, and decided to try it, since I think I might snore…just a tad. The “Internet” is as raving about the ZQuiet mouthguard. That device, along with the Snorelab app, have given me some deeper-than-I-might-have-wanted insight into my snoring, and how to diminish it, and some nights, even eliminate it.
If I had a boyfriend, I wouldn’t be without it. That, along with condoms, would go everywhere there was potential for an overnighter. As it is, my husband and I tolerate each other’s nighttime breathing antics. He’s way worse than me of course…
But now we don’t have to tolerate. The ZQuiet mouthguard + sleeping on the side as much as possible + avoidance of eating within 4 hours of sleep = minimal to no snoring and a good night’s rest.
With the SnoreLab app, you can also measure your heart rate, and see that it goes up when you’re experiencing a little trill (MY term for MY noise), of snoring.
The first night, my snoring score dropped precipitously, and my heart rate followed suit (although not “precipitously,” as that’s called “being dead” at our age…).
LOL! Barbara! You’re a riot! On my sleep apnea readout they sent me I notice my heart rate fluctuated more than I thought it would, or should. I need a followup appointment to can make sense of the data. “If I had a boyfriend… ” This is one more reason I’m not sure I’m interested in going there. Condoms…. The little blue pill… Is there no spontaneity to sex anymore? I read where sex is a big thing… pardon the pun… in retirement/assisted living places. In addition to all the other items, I’m thinking there’s also a blood pressure cuff nearby. Maybe I’ll just fantasize about the old days. xoxox, Brenda
I have had a sleep study with twelve episodes of not breathing and now after using a Res Med C-pap 11 machine my episodes are down to 0 to 2. Honestly I do not feel much different since using it and I have gone from seven hours of sleep down to five a night and most people experience the opposite. I have persisted in using it because of my age and being diabetic 2 with HBP and my blood oxygen level tested low. It took awhile to get used to wearing it and the only plus thing I notice is my head feels less stuffy and no slight morning headache. I also do not dream like I had in past and that is because. of the rem level of sleep. I also have a familial record of stroking and I owe it to my family as well as myself to prevent that from happening in my sleep. Sometimes we just have to soldier up and do what we must. I am on to a second silicon mask that covers my nose and mouth and it is far more comfortable than the full face mask that was more constricting. The main problem I am currently having is transmission of results to my lap top and to my pulmonologist office. I am thankful my problems are treatable and thankful for fine Dr’s and the medical advice I am getting. I agree Contessa looks fantastic with her mask on. I have severe bedhead hair every morning and look like I am going snorkling with the mask on.
Gigi, “Soldier up and do what we must!” In your wildest dreams… that you no longer have… did you ever think you’d have to try and sleep with scuba gear on? You’re the second person here to mention the dreaded word, stroke. That’s a pretty big incentive to wear a mask and snorkel though. I’m glad you’re working through all of this. You encourage me. Thanks! Brenda
Thanks Brenda for the write up!
I’m going to send a man here to tell people about the mouth guard he designed with a dentist in Portland I believe!He can give more info on it then I can!
Some people would benefit from the Cpap machine as well as the mouth guard!
I have done BOTH IN THE PAST!
Eight years ago was given a CPAP MACHINE AND ENDED UP USING A MOUTHGUARD FOR FOUR YEARS!The Cpap machine is much smaller NOW AND IAM WEARING THE NOSE MASK HERE IN THIS PHOTO WHICH IS WORKING BEAUTIFULLY!
I have taught myself to sleep with my mouth closed.There is no noise!Traveling now with the machine !Very light weight shoulder bag!
If you are TIRED OR OUT OF BREATH ALL THE TIME PLEASE DO GET TESTED!
It’s easy and there is ZERO PAIN.
Mouth guard I will look into after further use of CPAP.I stop breathing 8.4 times an hour according to the testing which is considered MILD SLEEP APNEA.
Just do something about it!
Xxx
Thanks for paving the way for me, Elizabeth! Your experience and all of the comments from other mask wearers is so informative. Even though statistics say one in 10 women have sleep apnea, I’m amazed at all the comments here from other women. Looking forward to your friend leaving us a message about the mouth guard. Love, Brenda
My husband’s sister died in her sleep last year and we didn’t understand. Now I get it. Your blog is the first I’ve read that links this type of death to sleep apnea. What a good thing you’ve done here Brenda. I hope lots of people/women read this.
Hi Margie, Your family knows all too well about sleep apnea related deaths in women. I’m sorry to hear this. I never understood “died in their sleep” but it makes more sense now. I hope this blog will kick off long overdue conversations about the dangers of sleep apnea and motivate women to look into it further because even without any symptoms, we may still suffer from it. Thank you for your comment, Brenda
Hi there
We’re behind the times here in Vancouver. I went to the dr and told him I was tired of being tired. Go to bed tired – wake up tired. So he sent me to”sleep” dr – supposed to be one of the best. Off to hospital I went for testing – only wires – no mask like you had! Was told have severe sleep apnea. Got machine and mask – again not fitting like Elizabeth’s around ears. Energy level improved. Prior to COVID had another sleep test – again no mask like yours! Asked about mouth guard. Well wasted money re testing as if one has severe need to wear mask! Most annoying that mouth guard dr did not mention that! My machine is heavy – hate having to travel with it = carrying it on plane. But do not want to take chance of not using it. Medical plan here getting complex re getting approval to have it paid for. Here drs do not continue to do follow up – one has to ASK to have testing done again. I would think dr would do testing every 2 years to see if any changes needed.
Rosemarie, You bring up such a good point, and I don’t know the answer. Do our sleep apnea needs change over the years? It would be tragic if they did and we wore a mask but still died from sleep apnea related cause anyway. Your medical plans in Canada are different than they are here. I have a good health insurance plan, but I’ve still had to be the one to follow up with my cardiologist and the sleep clinic. It’s kind of ticked me off to tell you the truth. Being our own health advocate is a topic for another blog, don’t you think? Did you see a couple of the other comments about a lighter weight machine that’s easier to travel with? You might look into that. xoxox, Brenda
Yes that would be a good topic – being our own health advocate. I’m sure there would be a lot of response/feedback.
This is great, I was so surprised to read the heading of your post. You don’t see much at all about sleep apnea especially relating to women. My husband had mentioned my snoring and stopping breathing on occasion for years but it was never something I looked into. Only when seeing a neurologist for something completely different was I questioned about this – one of her sub specialties was the diagnosis and treatment of sleep apnea. I had been feeling more tired when waking up in the morning, never feeling completely rested and had high blood pressure that was becoming harder to control so I thought why not when I was offered a home sleep apnea study. It was easy enough, I was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea and qualified for a cpap machine to be covered by my insurance. I was skeptical that I would be able to tolerate something like that but much to my surprise I love it! I wear the nasal pillows, the machine is silent and I no longer snore – my husband who is a very light sleeper was concerned it might be noisy but there is no sound at all from the machine plus the no more snoring is great too. I move all over when I sleep – alternating sides and there is no problem keeping the nasal pillows in place, my hair pulled back in a scrunchie keeps the top strap from sliding down and I rarely get tangled in the tubing. The humidity is adjustable, the whole thing is just super comfortable, I did try a different mask just to make sure I had the most comfortable setup possible. I get a report from the machine sent to an app on my phone which motivates me to be more consistent about getting enough hours of sleep. I feel more rested, my bp is in good control, I have dreams that I remember now, most desaturations and apneas occur during REM sleep so that part of my sleep cycle was being disrupted. It’s only been about 6 months but I feel so much better overall, it was so lucky for me that I ran across a doctor that specializes in this, by accident really. I’m 55 and I do feel that my sleep apnea probably would’ve only worsened over time, it’s not good for your heart and it’s not good for your brain. I feel so grateful that things fell into place for me to start treating my sleep apnea at this time. My father had untreated obstructive sleep apnea and passed away at the young age of 64, not directly from that but it probably made things worse . I would highly encourage anyone who thinks they could have sleep apnea to ask their primary care doctor about an at home study. I was never really asked about it during my yearly physicals that I can recall. I’m a deep sleeper, falling back asleep after gasping for breath, so if it wasn’t for my husband telling me, I would have no idea. Even then, I wasn’t proactive about it. All this to say, it’s something worth looking into. I had no idea how this was affecting me and how much better I would feel once it was treated. Thank you for this blog post bringing attention to a health concern that we don’t hear much about.
LG, You are a walking testimony to the ways you’ve benefitted from wearing a mask. Thank you, so much! Your comment is encouraging for me because as you know, the thought of actually trying to sleep and go through the rest of your life with a mask and a hose is kind of befuddling. The fact that you and so many of the ladies who’ve left comments are doing so well and sleeping so much better is a blessing for all of the rest of us who come after you. Thank you, again! Brenda
Thank you so much for this informative and proactive topic. I plan to ask my doctor about the at-home sleep study at my next appointment. My husband did the at-home test a couple of years ago (severe snoring and sleep apnea) and starting using a CPAP. It has been life changing for him and bonus is that we can now sleep in the same bedroom again after 2 decades of sleeping in separate rooms (and sometimes even separate hotel rooms. It was THAT bad! I now suspect I have mild sleep apnea for several reasons/indicators after reading this article. Thank you so much. You’re like the big sister I never had!
Awe, thank you, Stacia! I’m happy this has raised your awareness about women’s sleep apnea problem. No one talks about this! We’re all just out here in the dark. Yes, we need to be proactive, so ask your doctor. xoxox, Brenda
Forgot – one last thing.
When I answered questionnaire at doctor’s re sleep apnea – my answers to all the questions were NO! I did not have one YES answer.
But testing showed opposite = Yes to sleep apnea.
Rosemarie, Woah! Scary! That’s what my research indicated, so I’m not surprised. There are so many things that questionnaires ultimately don’t lead us down the right paths. I had a biggie false questionnaire after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My doctors said there was no way I carried the breast cancer gene and not to worry about it. Had I not insisted they test me… it’s just a blood test… I would be dead. I do carry the gene and that knowledge changed everything about how my treatment proceeded. xoxox, Brenda
Oh my – saying not to worry about it! Thank goodness you pursued it.
Hi Brenda – I’m a friend of Elizabeth and my husband Dave worked with his colleague – who is a dentist that specializes in sleep medicine – and he developed an oral device for sleep apnea. There are a number of oral devices that can help people with sleep apnea. Dave recommends that anyone exploring alternatives to C-Pap, definitely seek out a dentist that specializes in sleep medicine to see what alternatives might be appropriate for their individual situation. Sleep apnea is very serious and needs to be treated. So glad Elizabeth is feeling better and hope Brenda finds one that works for her!
Hi Michele, Thanks for weighing in and leaving this comment. It’s so helpful to know there are alternatives to the CPAP masks. Treating sleep apnea can be a life and death matter so knowledge is power. I’m grateful to you and Dave! Thank you, again, Brenda
My husband uses Silent Night by Glidewell, an oral device. He didn’t snore so much as stop breathing briefly then gasp loudly for air off and on all night. After a sleep study at a local hospital our internist told us about Glidewell and our dentist made it for him. Two of my women friends had complained of their husbands using the sleep machine and it was either the noise or getting caught up in the hose all night that was so frustrating. I am so glad we learned about Glidewell.
What great information, Margaret! Thank you. As I contemplate wearing a mask every night, getting caught up in the hose is one of the things I’ve thought about. Other than getting to know a little bit about you and the other women who leave me comments, the best thing about my blog is sometimes I might teach all of you something but you always give me more information and insight than I ever could have foreseen. What a great community of women we have! Blessings to all and to you and your husband, Brenda
I donot get caught up in my hose………..just make sure it is lose and laying correctly before falling asleep.NOW IF YOU MOVE AROUND IN YOUR SLEEP A LOT THAT I WOULD NOT KNOW ABOUT but I have never been tangled up in it.
MY TWO CENTS TOSSED IN.
I JUST CAME FROM AMAZON!
THE CPAP MACHINES ARE THERE ALONG WITH HOSES AND MASKS.ALL KINDS.
MY INSURANCE PAYS FOR ALL SO I WILL NOT BE BUYING FROM THEM BUT PRICES AS FOLLOWS.
CPAP MACHINE $989.00 equals$ 2.72 a day for a year.The machine will last for years.Or should!
I am wearing the N20 NASAL MASK CPAP. ON SALE NOW for $105.00.
I am WEARING A SIZE SMALL HEADGEAR AND MASK there is NO LEAKAGE of AIR!
HOPE THIS IS HELPFUL TO THOSE OF YOU IN NEED.
MY MACHINE tells me how long I slept hours and minutes plus if there was a leak in my mask.
I am sure it tells me more things but I have yet to venture there.
MY MEDICAL PEOPLE GET THE READING FROM MY MACHINE DAILY!THEY CAN SEE THE AIR PRESSURE WHICH GOES FROM A 4.0 to 20.0 I have averaged an 8.0 for this last month and I am MILD SLEEP APNEA.
IT’s A WHOLE NEW FEELING WAKING UP RESTED………..
NOW I DO STILL NEED TO NAP BUT NOT EVERY DAY!
BUT THATS THE HEART FAILURE AND MEDICATIONS I WOULD THINK!
LETS HOPE WITH TIME THIS TOO WILL DISAPPEAR!
THANKS AGAIN BRENDA!!
YOU ARE A ROCK STAR!
XOXO
What great info, Elizabeth! Thank you! And you’re now getting an average of eight hours of sleep! Hallelujah! I look forward to doing the same thing. xoxox, Brenda