— Life —


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Needs and wants… How many of us get the two of these confused? Do we really need a new pair of shoes, or do we want a new pair of shoes? If we spend much time online, it’s easy to understand how social media can trick us into shifting our priorities or make us think a want is really a need or at the very least… a good idea. 

What are some of the things you want? What are some things you need? I’ll go first.


  • Conduct a symphony orchestra
  • Visit Angor Wat… but I don’t want to travel there alone
  • An old stone top for an outdoor table
  • The right color for my bedroom walls
  • To wear high heels… again
  • A “youthful” vagina… again
  • The right man appears, magically, on my doorstep. (This and the previous “want” may be a chicken and the egg thing.)


  • A car that has less than 220,000 miles on it
  • File a homestead exemption
  • Update my driver’s license (so I can file a homestead exemption)
  • Get more sleep
  • Stay within my budget
  • Make life count
  • Feel “warmer” about my next door neighbor

Except for tolerating high heels, finding Mr. Right on my doorstep and liking my neighbor, I believe I can make the other things on my list happen.

While I don’t want to make anyone—myself included—feel guilty about wanting a new outfit, a luxury trip or to erase the life lines etched across our face, I do want us to consider the often intangible things we need like…

Truth, authenticity, joy, decency, trust, love, unity, safety, confidence, insight, forgiveness, home, health, family, choices, honesty, leadership, guidance, energy, sobriety, understanding, respect, tomorrow, survival, faith, helping hand, more, less, protection, self-esteem, mentorship, light, laughter, life, appreciation, desire, adventure, time, ecstasy, experience, support, friendship, knowledge, strength, warmth, dignity, excitement, calm, prestige, change, greatness, nothing, giving back, salvation, relaxation, growth, healing, yesterday, comfort, humanity, fun, ability, goals, reality, encouragement, share, meaning, nobility, partnership, resilience, security, information, control, conversation, stimulation, culture, whimsy, relief, goodness, gratitude, freedom, recognition, God, stability, affection, thoughtfulness, second chance, happiness, normalcy, hope, power, direction, depth, reassurance, inclusion

Whenever I want a wakeup call about my “wants,” I think about my friend, Susan Tolles, who’s written many thought-provoking blog posts for 1010ParkPlace. Several posts are about the women she’s helped in Pader and Soroti, Uganda. Many were raped and beaten by Joseph Kony’s unconscionable guerrilla army or lost their husbands to horrific murders, HIV or malaria.

Now these are women who need a new pair of shoes! Perhaps we should put “helping others” on our “needs” list. There’s nothing like knowing we’ve helping someone else, because it makes us feel good as well.

Love, Brenda


  • Victoria May 5, 2018 at 6:26 am

    Brenda, I love everything you write and this, as usual, is funny, poignant and spot on!

    • 1010ParkPlace May 6, 2018 at 8:36 am

      Oh! I love that. Thank you, Victoria! xoxo, Brenda

  • Mithra Ballesteros May 5, 2018 at 7:06 am

    Just looked into a new vagina and I guess I’m going with coconut oil.

    • 1010ParkPlace May 6, 2018 at 8:36 am

      Coconut oil… If only that worked for me! xoxo, Brenda

  • Pat May 5, 2018 at 10:08 am

    Well said Brenda and I totally agree that what we need and what we want are two different things entirely.

    • 1010ParkPlace May 6, 2018 at 8:38 am

      Thank you, Pat. They’re not always easy to separate. Brenda

  • elizabeth@pineconesandacorns May 6, 2018 at 9:47 am

    Sometimes the line is blurred indeed. I think that sometimes we do not want to acknowledge what we need so we put that to the side and just think of all of the things we want as a distraction.

    • 1010ParkPlace May 7, 2018 at 1:47 pm

      Oooh… Very insightful, Elizabeth! I so agree! “Blurred lines” can keep us from dealing with issues we’d rather not confront. I know I’ve been guilty of that. Thanks for your awesome comment, Brenda

  • Hilda Smith May 7, 2018 at 7:21 am

    I can vouch for coconut oil….I included it in my list of uses for coconut oil post…..on http://www.overthehilda.ie about two years ago
    Loved this Brenda.

    • 1010ParkPlace May 7, 2018 at 1:49 pm

      Two suggestions for coconut oil. I will look into that… and your post. Thank you, Hilda! xoxo

  • Kim Alexis May 8, 2018 at 6:55 pm

    Haha, I have to ask my Mom Need or Want each time we shop together. I question all my purchases this way and she doesn’t!
    Thanks for a great article again!

    • Brenda Coffee May 8, 2018 at 9:18 pm

      Hi Kim, Great to know I’m not the only one who questions my purchases this way!! If I didn’t, I’d be living under a bridge somewhere in a cardboard box! xoxox, Brenda

  • Beckye May 9, 2018 at 7:25 am

    My urologist just told me she got a new toy (expensive equipment) that tightens up the vagina and he helps with moisturizing as well as with urinary leakage. Her name is Dr Ong in Round Rock. I’m sure someone in San Antonio has it too! Too expensive for me!

    • Brenda Coffee May 9, 2018 at 2:01 pm

      Sounds interesting! My first thought is it might be a laser. Thanks, Beckye! I’ll check into it. xoxox, Brenda

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