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Dear Brittany & Jessie, Part of me wants to say you’re rude and shallow, while another part of me thinks the difficulty our culture has with aging is because of people like you. Who are you to mock the way Sarah Jessica Parker looked at Monday night’s Met Gala with mean girl tweets like “she is aging faster than spoiled Greek yogurt,” “horses have a life span of 20-30 years so she is definitely blessed to still be with us” and “she’s aging like a bad raisin”?

Has it even occurred to you that you’ve shamed all women for the privilege of living and breathing and getting older?

I’ve taken a look at your Twitter accounts. When you’re not tweeting cruel remarks about an accomplished woman like Ms. Parker, you’re retweeting things like “you dumbass bitch.” Have you no concept of the idea that we… EVERY WOMAN… need to lift one another up and support one another with respect, and that begins with self-respect? Do you understand that age and looks have no bearing on whether a woman is beautiful, valued or loved? Does your self-esteem come from anything other than tearing others down? 

Am I happy about looking older? No! Am I happy I’m still here? Oh my stars, yes! I’m grateful beyond measure. Next month I’ll be 69-years-old, and in light of 10 breast cancer surgeries and eight rounds of chemo, there were many days I wondered if I’d be here to see this birthday. 

Would I ever have a facelift? No, but if my friend wants one, I will be—and have been—by her side, changing her cold compresses and supporting her all the way. Am I tempted to do Botox? You betcha, often, but since I’m deathly allergic to so many things, I haven’t gotten the courage to try it… yet.

I believe the way we see the world and react to those around us is a reflection of how we see ourselves. 

I fear this means you have no compassion for yourselves. If you can find a way to look inward, perhaps you can learn to forgive and work on those things you don’t like about yourselves. In the process you may discover an infinite capacity to encourage, empower and help other women in ways you couldn’t imagine. That’s when the real, tweet-worthy magic happens! Then you’ll be able to let the goodness of your hearts be your guide and embrace all women. I sincerely wish this for both of you.

PS: For anyone who’s wondering… Brittany and Jessie and their tweets are real. It occurred to me this blog post ties into Kim Alexis’s post last week, “Do You Struggle With How You Look?”

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  1. Wow, well said indeed , I’m approaching 60 and yes, very very glad to still be here living a very full life, I take those comments from girls like that as just ignorant, and just you wAit girls, you’ll see that life isn’t over when you reach 50 , far from it !

    • Julie, You’re right about these girls being ignorant, but that doesn’t excuse meanness. You should read their tweets I left out. People would have called me a racist, when in fact, Brittany and Jessie already proved that all by themselves. In the meantime, I’ll join you in saying life isn’t over when you reach 50!! Thanks so much for your comment, Brenda

  2. Bravo to you for saying this.
    SJP has the means to be botoxed and facelifted to the hilt, so if she is sporting wrinkles, it’s her choice, and more power to her. Same with Annette Bening. Congratulations to them for preferring faces that can show emotion and that haven’t been stretched or frozen into inscrutable masks.
    That said, her photo made me blink, but not because I think she looks bad–in fact, she looks great. She just no longer looks like Carrie, which is the unshakeable image I have of her. It’s the same reaction I have when I look in the mirror. In my mind’s eye, I look like my 1990s self, when in the mirror, it isn’t me but my mom.
    The other thing is that we don’t harp on men as they age. They get to wear their wrinkles and gray hair with pride, and continue, at least in movies, to win love interests half their age.

    • Taste of France… What an important and valid point you make!! Men are able to age as nature intended them to without criticism! Sad double standards! And all this time I thought the criticism was from men! I’m saddened beyond measure to learn women are also among those who are bullying women about their age and their looks! Thank you for your awesome contribution!! Brenda

  3. I love this article for the way you stand up for women. Aging is inevitable and aging well is a blessing!
    Thanks for speaking up! You are the best and that is why I love you!

    • Thank you, Kim!! You are every bit as outspoken and supportive of women, which is just one of the many reasons I love and value you!! I guess we have a mutual admiration society. Love, Brenda

  4. Unfortunately, social media lets the trolls say anything they want anonymously. People like that are cowards, mean spirited, jealous, and ugly inside. We all grow old, if lucky enough. We don’t need young people slaying us. Kudos for tackling this subject.
    I’m going to be 65 in two months. I feel much younger though. There are times when I catch my reflexion and it actually shocks me that I look old. But, that’s life. Let’s embrace living and not mourn our past looks.

    • Well said, Joanna! Let’s embrace living and not mourn our past looks!! We all know that’s not always easy, but young women like Brittany and Jessie flaunt their youth in our face as they bully and demean ALL women. BTW, Brittany and Jessie didn’t do this anonymously, although I know what you mean. Had I included their raunchy and REALLY RUDE tweets, someone would have called me a racist… when in fact, they’ve already claimed that title… “White women age in dog years!” and that’s not the raunchy tweets… I just can’t bring myself to write them here. Thank you, Joanna! Brenda

  5. I’m glad to see you take this stand. It is vitally important that we defend our sisters in all their imperfections. Our society already punishes those who dare to age, to gain weight, to wear the “wrong” clothing. Rule #1 should always be to use our platforms and our influence to set a tone of generosity and kindness. To look beneath the surface to judge correctly and generously. Bravo Brenda.

    • Thank you, Mithra, but you have no clue the self-discipline I’ve tried to exercise with this post… I’ve failed, however, in my response to a previous comment. Even so, had I told the real truth about Brittany and Jessie….. Oh, my!!! xoxox, Brenda

  6. Thank you for sticking up for all of us over 50! I just had my 69th birthday and I have never been so happy with myself and my life. I look wonderful in a different way, and I feel more confident than I never felt when I was young. So raise a glass to the older women! I assure you that it is the best time.

    • Brava Madeline!!! I love where I am in life as well. Cheers to those of us who value and appreciate ourselves and who are getting wiser, better, more confident, more beautiful. Cheers, Ladies!!! Thanks for your awesome comment, Brenda

  7. You tell ‘em! An elegant and articulate response to bad behavior. I’m worried it may be beyond their comprehension…
    Now, more than ever, we need to support and encourage each other!

    • Oh, absolutely beyond their comprehension!!! The older I get, I think I’m becoming more radical and more of a feminist. I’m not sitting on the sidelines, taking any “nonsense” from anybody!! Love, Brenda

  8. All so very true and very well said. Why does any women put another women down? It should all be about support x

    • I think young women like Brittany and Jessie put other women down because it’s ignorance and the arrogance of youth! They know it all, plus they have no clue… or do they even care… about the consequences of their words. Thank you, Linda, for asking a question that goes to the heart of the matter. Brenda

  9. Those women are pathetic. Thank you for leading them to water; I suspect they will not drink. I pray they listen to you!
    Everything you said is correct. Brava!

    • Hi Penelope! LOVE seeing you here! Unfortunately, these young women don’t care what they say and who they offend. If I’d taken the LOW route, I would have given you ALL of their tweets…. Alarming, sad….. Thank you for your awesome comment, Brenda

  10. Beautifully said and an excellent reminder that we need to continue to unite, not tear each other down – especially for our outer appearance.

    • Well said, Sarah….If we can all remember, “There but for the grace of God go I,” which I don’t always do… it might keep us more humble and our tongue in check. Thanks so much for your comment, Brenda

    • Thanks for pointing out the fact that women over 50, particularly those of us on Instagram and who read over 50 blogs, have an understanding, supportive group of women to lift us up when we’re down and route for us and cheer us on!! Love your comment, Hilda! xoxo, Brenda

  11. age comes to all of us, if we are lucky enough to live
    and I am not going to get upset over some stupid tweets
    and I want the use of “shame” to go away

    Let us live with what we have people
    feel free to disagree

    • Isabella, I agree that aging is a privilege all of us aren’t lucky enough to experience, but unfortunately, “wishing” bullies would go away doesn’t work. I appreciate your stopping by and leaving your thoughts. Thank you, Brenda

  12. I had the same thought……….she is NOT CARRIE anymore BUT MY GOD SHE IS STILL GORGEOUS!
    THAT JEWEL BOX on HER HEAD made her stand up straight!That is what I am working on these days!SO hard to have the shoulder blades touching and the BOOBS OUT!
    I think she is BEAUTIFUL with HER LOOK……….SO NATURAL and NOT FAKE!
    I’m so tired of THAT word FAKE!
    I hope you made it Home in GOOD TIME and THANK YOU AGAIN and AGAIN!

    • Elizabeth, If we all live long enough, that fresh bloom of youth will disappear. For most of us it’s balanced by more common sense and life experiences, don’t you think? Funny you related shoulders and hunching over your phone, because I’d already noticed the same thing!! No… I didn’t make it home in good time, but I made it home, safely, and had time to think about what a wonderful day I spent with you. xoxox, Brenda

  13. Brenda,

    I always enjoy your blog post and I am happy you wrote about this subject of what others perceive women over 50 to look like.
    The trolls will either hate a woman who has altered her face or in many of our cases, let well enough alone.
    SJP is always going to look stylish even and no one should judge another woman if they have or have not had work done.
    Excellent post and now I shall read Kim Alexis’s post!

  14. I don’t know who Brittany and Jessie are, but they too will get older (if they’re fortunate). They will learn that no matter how well they have or have not cared for themselves they will not be immune to the aging process. I hope that others will be kinder to them and that they will one day look back on their mean spiritedness with embarrassment and regret.

    • Ah, youth! Their faces are unblemished by time; their brains haven’t developed much past the pre-teen stage, and their hearts are lacking in compassion. What do you wanna’ bet…. When they’re our age, they will have forgotten how mean spirited they once were. So happy to see you here, Juliet! Thank you for your awesome comment, Brenda

  15. Brava Brenda. An outstanding post. Thank you once again for standing up for all of us over 50. I only with those two nit wits could see it.

  16. You said it SO well, Brenda! I suspect you were reading the mean tweets of a couple of very immature young women who have always been judged on their looks and feel inadequate themselves. It’s easy for them to tear down a “social media figure” because they can dehumanize her and convince themselves that SJP is not real.


    And as for Botox, please don’t change a thing about your gorgeous, far above average, expressive face! I love it exactly as it is.

    • Val, I agree they’re immature young women, but they’re also angry… so much I could have included but didn’t… and yes it’s easy to talk BIG because your victim won’t read it and you can vent and skate free. Thanks for the pep talk about no Botox, but I do think about it. In person, my expressive face can sometimes pass for a topographical map! xoxox, Brenda

  17. I so love your response . . . it would be easy to dismiss and be angry at these young women– but you’re right it is immaturity and perhaps our culture (lack of parenting and lack of empathy/compassion for others). But what I really love is how you framed it . . . . “Do you understand that age and looks have no bearing on whether a woman is beautiful, valued or loved?” A lesson I guess it takes a longer time to learn, not just to learn but to actually understand. And one sadly that many people may never learn. I really love that you addressed this and appreciate the community you have created here for mature women– not just in years but most importantly in thought and life! Kudos to you!

    • Hi Lisa, Forgive me for not responding sooner to your awesome comment. I was traveling and somehow this slipped through the cracks! I’m happy you’re part of this amazing community of women over 50. We do lift one another up and support one another, and that’s more valuable than all the Botox and new clothes in the world. Without our girlfriends, online or face to face, something precious would be missing from our lives. Thank you so much for being a part of our community. I appreciate you, Brenda

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