“Comparison is a slippery slope to envy and for the most part, envy wastes energy that could be put towards getting what you want or optimizing what you have.” – Danielle LaPorte
By our age, most of us have gotten over comparing ourselves to other women and are enjoying what we have and playing to our strengths. But what are we to do when the green-eyed monster strikes anyway?
Our minds are wired to compare, but negative comparing begins early (especially for girls) and hardly lets up as we get older, unless we work to break the cycle of comparing and competing.
This happened to me recently as I watched a long-time girlfriend pull together her dream, make her “debut” with gorgeous photos, a beautiful website, and wise offerings. I was happy for her success… She’s worked hard for it! And yet, I was terribly envious of her.
I was making myself so miserable, seeing her daily social media posts that, girlfriend or not, I “unfollowed” her. I guiltily spilled my guts to my sweetie who wisely said, “Rather than do that, why don’t you figure out what your envy is all about?” That is exactly the advice I’d give to a friend who shared this dilemma with me. And it was exactly the reminder I needed!
When envy or jealousy show up, consider them an arrow pointing you in a direction you want to go. Then begin chipping away at the ideas that are holding you back: ideas of who you are, or are not. Begin to imagine all that you’d love to do or be, and what you want to accomplish. Let go of (yes, even still) your parent’s ideas of what you could or should be. Or society’s ideas. Or even your kid’s ideas! Those are their ideas, not yours.
Here is the best way I know to defeat that green-eyed monster: Only compare yourself NOW, to yourself BACK THEN. See how much you’ve learned and grown? See how much experience you’ve gained?
Look at all the wisdom you can share based on your experiences. Look at the acceptance you can give to others and realize how valuable that acceptance can be. Now give yourself that same acceptance.
“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you… than you.” – Unknown