— Relationships —


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Did you know there are women who will try and steal your husband while you’re fighting breast cancer, struggling with surgeries and chemo, and working to maintain some semblance of normalcy? Before two of these women lunged for my husband, it never occurred to me I knew anyone like this: women with no moral code or concept of self-worth. Who does that sort of thing? 

A woman at my church and another woman I called a friend.

One Sunday, while trying to summon the energy to blink–getting dressed and leaving the house was more than I could muster–I suggested my husband should go to church without me. Later he told me that minutes after walking into the building, one of these husband-stealing Jezebels leaned into him, gave him a full-contact body hug, and proceeded to grind her crotch into his leg. 

If I can ever do anything for you,” she whispered in his ear. “Call me.”

Another time when chemo robbed me of energy, I asked him to meet an interior designer “friend” at our ranch house so she could deliver some new light fixtures. This hair-flipping floozy came-on to my husband bigger than Dallas. When she let her full-length trench coat drop to the floor, she was wearing a tight sweater, a micro mini skirt, cowboy boots and a thong, and each time she bent over, as though retrieving something from her bag, her fanny was facing my husband. And each time he moved, so he didn’t have an up close and personal view of her derrière, she moved along with him so her fanny was the only thing he would see, and when he tried to step outside, she cornered him.

“Has anyone ever told you what pretty eyes you have?” she asked.

“Yes,” he replied. “My wife.”

When he told me the “pretty eyes” bit, I knew it was true because I’ve heard her say that to other men and women alike, including me. Later several women, who also knew her, have told me, “Never leave your husband alone with her.”

While neither woman’s true character surprised me, I was disappointed by their lack of compassion and respect for me, my husband and the life-threatening crisis we were facing. A serious health problem affects every member of the family. Husbands are often overwhelmed with their wife’s breast cancer diagnosis, perhaps even vulnerable, but then maybe these brazen women are counting on that. 

Unfortunately, statistics say 25 percent of husbands leave their wives after they’ve been diagnosed with breast cancer.

If you think I’m exaggerating, here’s a story that will shock you! We all know a man’s “little brain” has a tendency to dominate his “big brain,” and while you may not be as interested in sex during breast cancer treatment—or any other serious illness—as your husband is, his sexual needs don’t disappear. My suggestion would be to talk honestly and openly about the different ways you can both handle sex over the course of treatment and recovery. If your marriage is a good one, this is an opportunity to grow even closer. If your marriage is rocky, try role reversing with one another to see things from your spouse’s point of view. You might even visit a counselor. 

Women who try and steal another woman’s husband while she is fighting for her life, are contemptible creatures. At least vampires come out only at night, but these hussies do their best work in the daylight, with no sense of remorse or misgivings as to the consequences of their actions. 

Watch out for them, girlfriends. I guarantee they’re closer than you think.

Love, Brenda


  • Tara Dillard July 16, 2022 at 4:40 am

    These people are promised to us. Wheat vs. Tares. Sheep vs. Goats.

    Godspeed this episode you lived.

    During high-school, a friend’s mom was driven home from hospital, not by her husband, after mastectomy.

    She discovered the automatic gate at the driveway was locked. She got out, to get into front door with a key………………….her husband had changed all the locks on the house. True Story.

    Devastating story then, and to this day………….almost a century later.

    Thankful you were married to a good man.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:03 am

      Tara, What a heartbreaking story! We can only hope men like that will lose total function of their little brains. xoxox, Brenda

  • M July 16, 2022 at 6:14 am

    WTF was that? I thought this was a fashion blog?

    • Beckye July 16, 2022 at 10:31 am

      This is for women and life after a certain age. Fashion, but so much more! Please check the archives of the blog. Brenda is a great writer and a supportive friend to all. Welcome!

      • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:04 am

        Thank you, Beckye! I love you! Brenda

  • Brenda July 16, 2022 at 7:49 am

    PS: There have always been women like this. When I was a little girl the woman across the street used to water her yard in a bikini and wink at all the husbands in the neighborhood as they left for work. I now realize she was trolling for men. There wasn’t sunscreen back then so we can only hope that 20 or 30 years later karma set in and she looked like a grizzled old prune. xoxox, Brenda

  • Sally July 16, 2022 at 9:13 am

    In the 1930’s a friend/neighbor of my grandmother’s kept “vigorously flirting” ,as my grandmother said, with my grandfather. My grandmother invited the woman to dinner every other night. She let her dominate the conversation and show her true self. After several dinners my grandfather said “Please never, ever invite that self absorbed silly woman into our home again.”
    You have a wonderful husband.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:05 am

      What a wise grandmother… and grandfather you had, and yes, my James was a prince! I miss him so. xoxox, Brenda

  • Beth July 16, 2022 at 10:10 am

    Women have so many inherent loving and good qualities about them. Then there are the women you’ve described that make me ashamed they belong to my sex and wish they still had to wear a big scarlet A on their chest.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:08 am

      LOL! Yes, I know what you mean, Beth, but I also have to wonder what happened to them to make them this way? Surely there’s something terrible in their history, because if they’ve simply skated through life on a breeze, they are selfish and evil. xoxox, Brenda

  • Beckye July 16, 2022 at 10:28 am

    Soon after I started chemo my sweet oncology nurse said how much easier their job was when a husband is faithful and stays with his wife after diagnosis and through treatment. I can imagine.

    I’m sorry those tramps came onto your sweet husband. I’m so grateful he was faithful and supportive. He was grateful to have you and took good care of you. I was grateful to have the video he made for husbands when I was diagnosed! We have both been very blessed!

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:11 am

      Beckye, That nurse only told you that because it was obvious your husband would be there for you, always. I hope she didn’t say that to women who’s husbands weren’t. A cancer diagnosis is bad enough without fearing your husband will leave you. James would be grateful his videos for breast cancer husbands have made a difference. I think you’ve mentioned this before, and it makes me grateful and happy as well. Love to you, Brenda

  • Kona July 16, 2022 at 10:44 am

    Did they require plastic surgery? I only ask because my reaction would tend to be a bit physical. it is so cathartic with this type of woman.. LOL

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:14 am

      LOL!!! Love you Kona! I can always count on you for a laugh! In our dreams, that’s what we do! If not, we could be arrested for murder like the woman in Austin who was murdered by her boyfriend’s female lover. How do lives spin out of control like that? Love, Brenda

  • Josephine Floyd July 16, 2022 at 11:26 am

    Thankyou Brenda for your honesty over this very traumatic subject and time . It’s despicable and deplorable what some women will do without a blink of an eye. Nothing so strange as folk as the saying goes.
    We are so lucky when we have genuine friends, in my case few but family and loyal friends who will do anything for you good times and bad,
    It’s strange as you age and with me approaching 80 yrs, (don’t know how that happened . )You still have your principals and love a plenty to share, sorry for the rambling at the end. Must be that extra wine tonight in Orvence ?!

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:17 am

      Jo, I continue to be amazed by what people do. BTW, I saw one of these women this week, and she continues to morph into something stranger than she was before. I’ll pass on the details. Let’s just say I was gobsmacked! Yes, our circle of friends and family get smaller as we age, but we still have our principles and good wine. Cheers to you in Orvence! xoxox, Brenda

  • Arlo July 16, 2022 at 12:00 pm

    I’m dying to know how you reacted to those women the next time you saw them? I would have given them a loud piece of my mind, but I think you’re too classy for that. Actually that’s one of the reasons I read your blog because you’re a good influence on me. I always learn so much from you. How to be a better person, be stronger and believe in myself. You’re the therapist I don’t have to pay for.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:19 am

      You’re sweet, Arlo. Thank you. No, I didn’t react to either of these women, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to. It wouldn’t have done any good, and I would have lowered my own standards. I’m trusting karma will take care of them. Brenda

  • Patricia July 16, 2022 at 12:02 pm

    The moral of this story is never go alone to churches and bars if you’re married.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:20 am

      LOL! How funny! Love your sense of humor Patricia! Thanks for the laugh. xoxox, Brenda

  • Ronnie July 16, 2022 at 12:18 pm

    Okay, I’m with Arlo. What did you do? I fear my response would have been to “accidentally” back over them with my car.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:25 am

      Ronnie, I did have a moment, years later with the woman at church. I volunteered to take photos for the online church directory. I always took two photos of each person/family in case one was bad. When that woman got in front of my camera lens, I zoomed in as close as I could to her face so her wrinkles and phony smile were all you could see. I thought about taking two of those, but thought better of it and shot a regular photo like I’d done with everyone else. xoxox, Brenda

  • Barbara July 16, 2022 at 12:29 pm

    After my second child was born I had a hysterectomy and a long recovery time and couldn’t get out of bed or have sex. My best friend stepped in to help take care of the house, the baby, the cat and she helped herself to my husband. I was blindsided. We divorced so he could be with her. Tweny five years later it still hurts. No, they’re not together. She moved on to some other poor woman’s husband. Thankfully you had a good man. Xo, Barb

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:27 am

      Oh, Barb! This is the first time you’ve mentioned this! Both of them should have been drawn and quartered. I’m sorry it still hurts. Yes, I know how lucky and blessed I was to have a man like James. xoxox, Brenda

  • Dorrie July 16, 2022 at 12:37 pm

    I’ve been a reader for a long time but this is the first time I’ve commented. My mother was one of those women who deliberately tried to get another woman husband. She ran through three or four before I was old enough to leave and be on my own. I never wanted to invite friends over because I knew if the fathers dropped them off they were afair game. Mother died an alcoholic. It’s still hard for me to think about her.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:31 am

      Dorrie, That’s a lot to carry as a child, and I imagine it’s affected you in many ways. I, too, had problems with my relationship with my mother. In essence, I married the first boy who asked me out. The only way I knew of getting away from her. Perhaps we should think about all the ways we’ve become better women because we didn’t want to be like our mothers. Yes? Sending you love, Brenda

  • Joan July 16, 2022 at 1:08 pm

    This is a problem that I observed when a woman who worked with my then husband came over to ride motorbikes with him. She soon moved away. Years after this my sister confessed ( bragged?) to me that she had sex with him when he was flying overs seas to a new duty post in Vietnam. I was left behind 3 months preggers, with a one year old, and a 3 1/2 year old. Not an excuse but they were and probly still are alcoholics. I divorced him after 14 years of marriage.

    I have experienced the opposite, when married men have come on to me, and although I have been single I never dated a married man. I’ve been married now for 26 years and my husband has told me that when he was single many women ‘friends’ would proposition him. Also my oldest son told me that he had the same experience in the super market, and pointed out the wedding ring on his finger with something like, “do you know what this means”?

    Glad to hear your husband was supportive and caring especially during the bad times.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:39 am

      Joan! Good heavens! What is wrong with these women? Your sister? A few weeks ago another reader left a comment about not trusting women since she was in the fifth grade and a girl in her class broke her heart. I’m dumbfounded by what we do to one another and am heartbroken at all of the destruction people leave in their wake! Take care. Cherish your good husband and son! xoxo, Brenda

  • Janice July 16, 2022 at 1:37 pm

    My mother would kill me if she knew I was telling this story, but my father began an affair with a wealthy socialite when we summered in Maine, as did her family. They lived just down the road from us and my father would sneak over to see her on the pretense of going grocery shopping, when her husband was playing golf. This went on for several years. When we finally found out, he wanted a divorce to be with her, my sister and I stopped speaking to him. Our mother was devastated. Never remarried. My sister and I don’t see him very often. He’s still with her.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:41 am

      Janice, Grrrr…. Perhaps Mother Nature should have designed mens’ little brains to have a time lock on them. One that can only be unlocked by their spouse. Geesh!!! Look at all the heartbreak that one indiscretion has caused. I’m sorry! xoxox, Brenda

  • Pinky July 16, 2022 at 1:43 pm

    I’ve always thought I led a fairly boring life but maybe that is a good thing. Holy moly! This blog is better than a soap opera!

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:44 am

      Pinky, As long as you’ve had loving relationships and people who treat you with respect, you have a life well-lived. I’m starting to have similar thoughts about the soap opera, but in reality, look at all the tragedies these bad decisions have left in their wake! Unbelievable! Fact is certainly stranger than fiction! xoxox, Brenda

  • Anonymous July 16, 2022 at 3:11 pm

    My husband plays poker with a regular group which includes a local TV reporter old enough to know not to come on to other women’s husbands. My husband denies it, but I don’t believe him. I’ve checked around and she has a reputation for breaking up marriages. Not sure what to do.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:46 am

      Woah! And I’m not sure I’m qualified to advise you on that one other than trust your instincts. Wishing you the best and hoping your husband tires of playing poker. Best, Brenda

  • Linda July 16, 2022 at 3:50 pm

    Luckily I have one of the 75% … Jeepers creepers! But there were a lot of delicious casseroles being made for him and I, me with no appetite.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:50 am

      You are lucky, Linda! Had you been diagnosed with breast cancer? I know about those casseroles. My fridge was full of them, and like you, I couldn’t eat much of anything. xoxox, Brenda

  • Sam July 16, 2022 at 4:32 pm

    Can we hope you’re working on the next blog installment? Maybe something like shameful swimming pool cleaners or downstairs maids? Just sayin… I think you’re on to something here Brenda. Sam

    • Rosemary July 16, 2022 at 6:27 pm

      I agree w/Sam. This is one of the most interesting threads I’ve read. Please note, I’m not trivializing anyone’s story.

      • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:53 am

        Rosemary, No. I get it. I feel the same way. Who knew this blog post would wind up with all of these heartbreaking stories here in the comment section? xoxo, Brenda

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:52 am

      LOL! I hear you, Sam! Maybe I should lean more into “Dear Abby.” Actually, in many ways, I already am. Thanks for reading and leaving me a comment! Brenda

  • Sarah July 16, 2022 at 5:31 pm

    Wow! That woman came on to your hubby IN CHURCH?!?!?! What a skank. How crazy. The interior decorator really made a fool of herself.

    You’re a great writer.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 17, 2022 at 11:55 am

      Awe, thank you, Sarah for the compliment. I appreciate it. Surely these women know they have a bad reputation, and if they do, they obviously don’t care. I’ve tried to understand them both, but at some point I cease to be interested and just throw up my hands in disgust. xoxox, Brenda

  • Sandra Sallin July 17, 2022 at 12:53 pm

    Wow, who knew? I agree, this thread is better than any soap opera . But I’m sorry for all the pain. To be honest I’m shocked but I have never read every single comment. Bring on the pool boys! You certainly struck a nerve. You had a good man I feel the same way about my husband.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 18, 2022 at 10:48 am

      Sandy, It’s sad to realize just how many brazen hussies are among us! Who knew? They’re out there, every day, preying on our man. We just don’t know about most of them. My husband was a jewel, as is yours. xoxox, Brenda

  • Yvonne July 18, 2022 at 7:01 am

    Hello Brenda, just want to say that women like that have no moral compass and are evil. Who thinks of causing some harm to another woman or family ?Thank God, you had a good husband. These women don’t feel that they owe anything to other women when they do that sort of things because they feel that the one who made the commitment to be with you is your husband therefore a big part of the responsibility lays on the husband. When I was a teenager, a man whose wife was having their child at the hospital wanted me to have an affair with him. Men can be such scums, too. I could go on and on on that topic. Sorry that you had to experience that, Brenda but in your case, these women didn’t succeed in wrecking your mariage. Great post and a subject worth discussing!

    • 1010ParkPlace July 18, 2022 at 10:52 am

      Yvonne, You’re right. Men need to shoulder much of the responsibility here. There are women everywhere who are looking for men, and because men find it flattering, it boosts their egos and their “little brain,” many times they don’t think… Or they think their wives will never know… which makes them scum. I had my Prince Charming and don’t imagine another one will come my way, so I’m not even looking. xoxox, Brenda

  • Hilda Smith July 18, 2022 at 7:18 am

    Yes I can believe that there are women like that. And men. But luckily I know my good friends are true friends. Great post Brenda. x

    • 1010ParkPlace July 18, 2022 at 10:53 am

      Thank you, Hilda. It’s comforting to be able to trust the man in our life as well as our friends. xoxox, Brenda

  • Ferrie July 18, 2022 at 1:47 pm

    Since the beginning of time men and women have wanted what’s not theirs. Very disappointing we haven’t learned to be better people.

    • 1010ParkPlace July 18, 2022 at 6:51 pm

      Couldn’t agree more with you, Ferrie, and bad behavior will go on until the end of time! Thanks for reading and leaving me a comment. I look forward to seeing you again soon. Brenda

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