An advance review of my book, Maya Blue A Memoir of Survival, said my life and death survival instincts are like Jason Bourne’s: I don’t hesitate and time and again, I do what’s necessary to survive. Like when I jumped from a second-story bathroom window, hoping the oak tree four feet away and its branches would break my fall. Moments earlier, my first husband, who’d gone mad on mass quantities of cocaine and alcohol, had tried to strangle me. I broke free and ran to the bathroom, but he grabbed a gun and began firing on the other side of the bathroom door. I knew it would be seconds before he shot me or broke down the door. I also knew my only recourse was to jump out the window.
In Maya Blue, I’ve written about a period in my life where I lived through more trauma than I ever thought possible, and not once, did I cry or panic. So it was surprising when, from the safety of a recording studio, minutes before I began narrating the audiobook for Maya Blue, I found myself fighting off what Oprah calls “the ugly cry.”
But now, as I think about this week’s tsunami of tears, it makes perfect sense.
Maya Blue A Memoir of Survival is a story of love, cocaine, abduction and survival. A story that only a handful of people, who are still alive, knew about at the time or witnessed. The book contains things I’d kept hidden in the back of my emotional closet. Things I never imagined I would write in a manuscript, much less hold the soon-to-be published book in my hands. But telling my story, in my own voice, bringing my secrets to life—out loud—was something altogether different.
In that moment in the recording studio, soon I would have no more places left to hide, and the full realization of what I was about to do was overwhelming.
In the book, I’ve revealed the dark sides of my life, especially the man I loved as though he were a god. As I was writing Maya Blue, I realized that by remaining silent about his addictions—I hoped he would stop and no one would have to know—I had become his enabler. But the greatest irony of all is while I abandoned my voice to protect him, I was now sitting in front of a microphone, about to disclose everything.
I’ve always thought of myself as a tough girl, so it’s no surprise the title of my memoir is named after a real color art historians say is the strongest most resilient pigment known to man. Thousands of years later, this vibrant blue can still be seen on many of the Maya ruins in Mexico and Central America. It’s survived weather and climate extremes and perhaps the most destructive element of all: man.
As many of you know, not long after my first husband died, I was traveling in Central America, and an hour or so south of the Maya ruin, Tikal, I wound up on the wrong road at the wrong time. The Guatemalan Army stopped me and took my passport, and it wasn’t long before they pulled me out of the car and forced me into the jungle. As I waited and wondered why they’d brought me there, I could see glimpses of an unexcavated Maya ruin. They’re everywhere in that part of Guatemala. Over time, giant tree roots had forced their way between the temple stones and broken them apart, and the pieces were strewn along the ground. Some of the hieroglyphs and carved relief figures on the stone were still visible, especially the ones painted Maya blue, but the significance of this color was not lost on me.
A selfie of me on a nearby computer screen in the studio.
The name of my book, Maya Blue, is a metaphor for strength and resilience, but I’ve used it to describe more than just my strength. This strength applies to all of us—a reminder of our universal capacity to survive the unspeakable. You need to know that before you get to the point where your strength is tested—and it will be—know with every fiber of your being that you are stronger than you could ever imagine.
26 thoughts on “MAYA BLUE IS A METAPHOR FOR STRENGTH AND RESILIENCE”
Wow Brenda, what a life you have you have survived and now living to the fullest. I can’t wait to read your book.
Thank you, Nancy! I hope you enjoy it and can’t wait to hear what you think. xoxox, Brenda
I ordered the pre release awhile back and it’s getting closer. I’m sure this is an exciting and emotional time for you. Your writing is excellent, I’m looking forward to your story. Audiobook too, nice!
Thanks for ordering my memoir, Carol. Yes, I never imagined this would be such an emotionally challenging time, but it is. There’ve been times I’ve wished I hadn’t written it, but that train has left the station. xoxox, Brenda
Brenda,
This makes my recent health issues seem trivial and silly.
I cannot wait to read your book – it will be fascinating to read this about someone that I “know”.
You are right – you don’t know what you can do and live through, until you have to do it. We are stronger than we think.
Admiring you from afar.
PS- I hope the repairman has left you alone.
No! Stop right there, Gray! Health issues are never trivial and silly. Never. You know what it’s like to live through the worst thing imaginable, so I’m sending you my best. Even as we move forward, these times are still with us. I think we have a mutual admiration society. ❤️ Yes… Thank you! LOL! I haven’t heard from him again. xoxox, Brenda
Brenda I keep thinking. How do you ever recover from things like this? How did you put them behind you? Your strength sounds like something I don’t have.
We all have this strength, Cassie. Some of us are better than others at tapping into it and drawing from it. When you face difficult times, don’t panic and wring your hands together. Instead, get calm and go within and concentrate on your strength. Tell yourself you CAN get through this. Reaffirm this repeatedly. As my mother said, “Thoughts are things.” After Guatemala, I began seeing a doctor who at the time, was one of the leading experts in self-hypnosis. Fortunately, he lived in my city. During my sessions, I would listen to some music and his voice in the background through headphones, and he taped them and gave me the tapes to listen to at home. Some days I listened multiple times a day. I went to him for 20 years. It sometimes scares me to think about how I would have coped if I hadn’t met him. xoxox, Brenda
Hurry, hurry, hurry! I want to read this book. Blessings to you Brenda. I think your book will explain how you’ve come to inspire us. I think you must have great empathy.
Thank you, Victoria! Yes. It will become apparent why I write so much about survival and reminding ourselves how strong and resilient we are. We are our own best friend, and our self-talk is crucial to how we feel about ourselves. xoxox, Brenda
“a reminder of our universal capacity to survive the unspeakable”.
I think of this whenever I see a homeless person.
I know, sweet lady. So do I, especially when the temperatures drop and all they have is the ground or a cardboard box under an overpass. And I wonder about their lives. What happened to bring them to this precipise? I’ve read that after a while, it’s difficult for them to accept help that will bring them in off the street. There but for the Grace of God… xoxox, Brenda
Thanks for the little excerpt!! I cannot imagine all you’ve endured but am grateful God has spared you and gifted you as a writer! Looking forward to reading the book, and so proud of you. Each scene is unimaginable. It’s incredible that one person has gone through as many of these experiences as you have and still come out in one piece and of sound mind! God’s grace. Love you!
I appreciate you, Beckye. You’ve been one of my cheerleaders, and for that I am grateful. It’s not incredible if you consider that my late husband and I were adventurers, long before there was an Indiana Jones. It’s a nontraditional way of life and at one time or another, you will pay a price for it. I’ve paid many prices. I remember him telling me, “Someday, when you’re an old lady, you’ll be glad you did all these things,” and he’s right, but it’s nearly impossible for others to identify with me. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t talk about my life…outside of a small group of friends who were with us on many of our expeditions… for so long. I’m excited for them to read my book because they’ve been on this journey with me as well. xoxox, Brenda
I also pre-ordered – when will the book be officially released?
Thank you, Linda! Publishing date is May 20th so depending on the format you ordered, you should receive it on or around this date on your electronic device or in your mail box. Thank you, again! I hope you enjoy it. xoxo, Brenda
Dear Brenda,
Everything that you shared on this post today, you just continue to show what incredible strength, resilience, courage, moxie, and survival skills you have in your soul. Now you are narrating the audiobook for Maya Blue. I can only imagine this week’s Tsunami of tears as Oprah calls, “the ugly cry.” It was time to let the flood gate open, it’s such a healthy release. I think out of that release healing and peace can begin.
I pre ordered your book, and I so look forward to reading your memoir of survival.
Brenda, I have so much respect and admiration for you. I have never met a person quite like you, and especially with your type of life experiences.
Take care and stay well. Sending you warm hugs.
Thank you, Katherine. I appreciate you. I think there will be many tears yet to come, because I get choked up when I talk about this time of my life with people. At my book signings, you’ll all have to bear with me, because my voice sometimes catches and I’m fighting back tears. Blessings to you. xoxox, Brenda
Inspirational —- the indomitable human spirit — well done !! Bravo
Irene, Love seeing you here, today. Thank you. In every way possible, we’re capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for, and we need to remind ourselves of our strength and resilience on a daily basis and give thanks. xoxo, Brenda
WHAT A LIFE BRENDA!I LOOK FORWARD TO READING IT…………..
How long did it take to record you reading the book?I think I would be terribly nervous just doing that!
XOXO
Hi Elizabeth, Last week was my first day in the studio, and we had technical difficulties, so other than doing a test reading, we didn’t record. There’s a lot involved with narrating a book: my schedule, the studio’s schedule and then the editing. My voice will only hold out for an hour or so, although they never have anyone read for more than three hours at a time. All total, it will probably be a month or six weeks. Very involved. xoxox, Brenda
You are my amazing and incredible friend!! I totally understand going through tough things and not crying…but being strong. I have always been amazed at the stories you shared and the strength you demonstrated. You are one absolutely incredible lady and I can’t wait to get my copy of Maya Blue that is on preorder. I am keeping you in my prayers as you navigate the emotions that are coming up during the recording.Thank you for all you have done to help me after surgery, being there to get a diagnosis and helping Jonathan receive prayers and his wheelchair van. We love you dearly and we are sending you hugs!!
I LOVE you, Tammy! All of you are in my prayers, daily. Your strength makes me looks like an amateur. Daily, I marvel at your persistence, your faith, your smile and your enthusiasm about each new day. I honestly don’t know how you do this. Love, love, love, Brenda
Can’t wait!
Thank you, Leisa! Sending you big hugs! XOXOX, Brenda