I had something else planned for today’s blog until I got stuck for a minute… okay it was 20 seconds, but it seemed like an eternity… in an elevator with three guys my age. Oy vey! Why is it men don’t clean their eyeglasses? Has it never occurred to them foggy lenses with big greasy thumbprints can be fixed, or do they just not notice? The dirty glasses on two of these guys could have classified them as legally blind.
I wanted to tap one of them on the shoulder and say, “Dude! How many fingers am I holding up?”
Then there’s the nose hairs that sprout from their nostrils like wayward wire bristles. Women have nose hairs, too, but ours are soft, and we keep them at bay by plucking or waxing. Do guys just not care about these things, or is it because they can’t see out of their glasses? Or what about the hair that grows out of the top of their nose; the grizzled and bushy eyebrows that makes them look like Groucho Marx or the unibrow that resembles Frida Kahlo? And what about the forest of tufted-hair in their ears?
I thought one paragraph would cover “hair,” but I was wrong.
Guys if you have fuzzy back hair, make sure your barber shaves the back of your neck, below your collar line. That needs to be a hair free zone, and while we’re in the area let’s talk about chest hair. I’m not referring to the Tom Selleck, open shirt Magnum look but one that’s more like Grizzly Adams… the bear, not the man. Back in the day I was all set to get to know a certain guy better until he took off his shirt. I don’t remember what I said, but it was probably something like “I think I’m having an appendicitis attack,” or “My mother needs me to change the lightbulb over her sink.” No way, Jose!
Then there are the guys whose breath could wake the dead, or the ones with white flakes on their shoulders. Guys! It’s not snowing outside! That’s dandruff! You can fix that! Where are the wives, girlfriends and kids? Step up!
Keep Dad from looking like a homeless Mr. Wizard. Maybe this is why he’s not having any luck on dating sites.
And what about those long fingernails? Fellas! I don’t want to know what you do with the long fingernail on your right pinky finger, but can you figure out how to do “it” with a shorter nail? Which brings me to toenails and ungroomed feet… and let’s throw-in flip flops while we’re at it.
Please start wearing slip on sneakers or loafers in public. We don’t want to see your ugly feet. Don’t even get me started about guys who wear knee socks, sandals and shorts!!
52 thoughts on “MALE GROOMING OR LACK THEREOF”
Oh my gosh… This is the absolute highlight of my day, week, month, year!!! It covers all the things I think but don’t say out loud. Thank you for a spot of humor to go along with my Saturday morning coffee
Dear Leslie, So happy I started your day off right! Glad to oblige! xoxox, Brenda
Totally agree, Brenda. What makes men think that grooming is optional!
Patricia, that’s the $64k question! I’m shocked they grow up with a male locker room mentality about their hygiene and appearance, and what’s up with the women… or men… in their lives? I’m shocked beyond reason. xoxo, Brenda
I just read this to my husband and we both got a real chuckle out of it! Thankfully, he is very well groomed and frequently remarks about these issues. Thanks for starting our Saturday with an amusing observation.
Hi Catherine, I’m happy you and your husband liked my post. Even happier to hear he’s well groomed. I guess some men are just clueless. xoxo, Brenda
Good morning Brenda! Well, I have to say this cracked me up, it was spot on. Fortunately my husband’s grooming routine rivals my own but we often comment on these topics as we see them out in public. We wonder how in the world do their wives ignore it? I think maybe their priorities are different and they just don’t think about it but it definitely sends the message that they don’t care about themselves. Thanks for the laugh and the confirmation that I am not the only one who notices these things!
Deborah, I would think personal hygiene would be at the top of most people’s priority list but maybe not. I know men like this, and they’re married… And I want to ask if they have any kind of a physical relationship with their spouse? I knew a woman who was clueless about some issues with her appearance, but kept thinking her husband would say something to her, but he didn’t. Maybe his glasses were dirty. xoxox, Brenda
This is hysterical. One guy I know looks like a sheepdog because of his enormous eyebrows. He changes wives every five years or so; he gets older but the wives don’t. I don’t think he’s rich but he must be doing well, because he is physically repulsive in every way (and he’s an awful, machiavellian creep, so it isn’t personality, either).
I see the lack of effort among young guys, too. Couples out for a date, and the woman is dressed to the nines and the guy looks like he just finished changing the oil in his car after a week of camping in the wilderness. I think it’s some kind of animalistic positioning for power, showing that they don’t care and that the woman needs to do all the work.
TOF, You would think guys who meet your description are Neanderthals, but yet, I’m hearing you see them in France with well dressed women. Go figure? And the sheepdog where you live… He has to have money, especially if he’s getting older and the women are still young. Either that or he puts a spell on them, and when it wears off, they leave him. xoxox, Brenda
Hi Brenda. I met you at the Blogging Conference in Nashville several years ago and read and enjoy your blog.
I am a freelance tv field producer for many national…(and yes, surprisingly also sports networks). I may be the slowest one on the court but Zi keep getting called to work). My husband was a family doctor who started using Cbd on his patients as an alternative medicine. We started a small Cbd company together last year with an emphasis on skin care. Unfortunately he died last No ember and I chose to continue his
Mission. SonI now how a small batch company called Sweet Mary Jane . I developed a men’s line to. I would love to send some product to add to your discussion . CBD is both in the news and creeping in to everyone’s beauty routine.
Sweetmaryjane.cbd and the beardbuzz.com
Check us out.
Kindest regards
Dee Morales
Hi Dee! That would have been BAM, right? I’m sorry to hear about your husband. Unfortunately I know what that’s like. Brava for continuing his company, but I’m going to pass on anything to do with CBD. For starters, I rarely do a product post and even then, it has to be something I’ve used for a long time and love. And secondly, CBD oil may be the best thing ever, but everyone is jumping on the CBD bandwagon to treat EVERYTHING and that bothers me. Daily I’m assaulted by it. Not far from my house there’s a guy who stands on the corner in 100 degree heat waving a big sign, touting something with CBD oil; during a few hours, running errands in the car, I hear half a dozen radio commercials for different CBD products, plus I get mailers in my mailbox and my email. It’s everywhere! But I wish you great success! Thanks, Brenda
This post is hilarious but also true! My husband had breakfast with his step-brother a while back and noticed his nose hairs were blending in with this mustache. Gross… Good grooming is not optional for men, or for women for that matter. I see too many people who look like they just came in from slopping the hogs.
Donna, I’m wondering if your husband said something to his step-brother about it? I saw a photo online but it’s just too gross to consider posting here. xoxo, Brenda
P.S. I forgot the mention the fellas who don’t wash their hands after using the restroom. A few years ago, I was waiting for my husband to come out of the restroom by our Sunday School room and he said “don’t shake hands with Mr So and So, he didn’t wash his hands.” More gross…
Donna… Oh, Lord!! Help us!
Oh my Gawd! This is so hilarious! Might I add, that shoes tell a lot about a man. You’ll see a man heading to work in a nice suit but then, when you look down his shoes are scuffed or worn down at the heels. Come on men! Up your game!
Joanna! Men, step up your game, is right! I was afraid if I got started on how men dress… or that some of them look like they’ve swallowed an elephant and it’s permanently attached to their belly… Couldn’t go there! I wouldn’t be able to stop! xoxox, Brenda
How about the 60+ dude who thinks he has an awesome bod and sports his sagging, dragging flesh in a muscle shirt? Or the thinning hair that is dripping in its own greasy build up? I could go on ad nauseum! Can you imagine their home environment?
Hi Sharon, The greasy hair thing occurred to me, but I was already over my self-imposed 500 word limit, plus I was afraid I would never stop! As far as the guys who think they have awesome bods… I guess we can give them at least a C for self confidence. xoxox, Brenda
As an ex-stylist I can completely relate to your observations! About 30% of my clientele was men, or rather, gentlemen. They were discerning and educated about appearance… and if they hadn’t come to me that way, they certainly came up-to-speed quickly if they wanted to return!
XO
Oh, yes, and they were lucky as can be to have found you, Donna! I think it’s very brave to work in industries where you deal with “the great unwashed public” and their bodies, and that includes doctors. Oh, dear… Now I’m reminded of a story a doctor friend shared…. Can’t go there!! Nope!!! xoxox, Brenda
I belong to a social club with a dress code. Most of the men are very good about their appearance, but there are a few that really push the boundaries. And there’s one guy who weighs about 400 pounds and wears shorts and sandals in the summer. His knees are wider than my entire body (and I’m not a tiny person). And his ankles have jowls! Picture it. Or better still, don’t picture it … because once you do, you’ll never get it out of your mind.
And then there are my co-workers. I work in IT and all my co-workers are male. Saggy jeans, faded t-shirts, hoodies and sneakers are the unofficial office uniform. And all these guys have wives and/or girlfriends.
Heavy sigh.
Hi Squeak! And these guys have wives or girlfriends? Oh, dear! Yes, I’m going to keep the image of the 400 pound guy kind of fuzzy in my mind, especially the part about his knees. What is it with techy guys? I worked with a lot of them in the past, so I know what you mean. All I can say is poor you! You need hazardous duty pay because there are some things you just can’t unsee. Thanks my friend! Always happy to see you here! xoxox, Brenda
You said it all!!!!!
Elaine, Any more and we couldn’t handle it! xoxox, Brenda
THANK YOU!!!!
MADE ME SMILE EAR TO EAR!
XOXO
Elizabeth, I’m happy!! Big smiles are good! Thank you, sweet lady! xoxox, Brenda
Oh my gosh, I’m dying!!! xo
Juliet, LOL!!!! Funny but true! xoxox, Brenda
Bwahahaha! And gagging a little. You would think these things would be no brainers. Sigh.
You’re so right, Diane! You’d think all of these things would be no brainers, especially the dirty eyeglasses. Wouldn’t you think they’d sometimes be worried they were going blind or had giant cataracts? Go figure!! Happy to see you here!! xoxox, Brenda
And teeth. I have finally talked my hubby into getting invisiline braces and whitening. Teeth age the hell out of us more than just about anything else. As we age, our upper lip lengthens, covering our straightened and whitened front teeth, and our lower lip drops, exposing those crooked yellowed lower teeth. Get em fixed and whitened guys!
Barbara, You actually talked him into invisiline braces! You are one great salesperson, I’ll say that. I’m not sure most men would do that. At the very least they should use Crest White Strips. Good for you… and him!!! If it makes him feel any better, tell him Tom Cruise wears invisiline braces. xoxox, Brenda
Love love love this post. Well chosen for a weekend rant Brenda! My darling man, who looks great for his 54 years, can still fit into clothes (his dinner suit) that he bought in his 30’s. He has recently discovered the art of old fashioned shaving with a single bladed razor (not a cut throat) like the ones our grandfathers’ used. To do this he has to prepare an Italian shaving cream in a little bowl. His face smells like sandalwood for the rest of the day. He really enjoys the ritual of shaving now, I am so glad he spends almost as much $ on his shaving products now as I do on my skincare…(ok maybe not quite). He also has a standing appointment at my hairdresser every 4th Saturday before golf for a haircut and neck shave. Aren’t I lucky! And the best Xmas gift he ever received was a men’s manicure set in a small ebony box. He goes OUTSIDE, sits in the sun, and uses it regularly. It is his and no-one else is to touch it. Maybe we can help our men by giving them these things as gifts….
I also have to say that there is a gentleman (and I use this word intentionally) in our apartment complex who is 84 years old and one of the most handsome and well groomed I have ever met. He and his wife wear clean clothes every day – often a Tommy Hilfiger polo shirt with smart chinos – and they DONT have that musty smell that often accompanies people of a certain age. He still shaves every single day and not a nasal hair to be found. Clean teeth. I always give him a friendly hug because he is so gorgeous. We are taking notes from FDM and his wife, this is how we want to be when we reach their age. Clean clothes every day, keep the wardrobe updated and the hairdresser on speed dial. It doesn’t take much.
Love from
Brisbane Qld.
TJ, I like your husband already! You lucky girl. You make an excellent point about giving them things like elegant manicure sets that may prompt men to use them. Like the man who lives in your building I know several older gentlemen who are always well groomed and dressed and who smell good. That’s an important point and a smart things to strive for as we get older: keep our wardrobe updated and keep ourselves well groomed. Thanks for that! xoxox, Brenda
I’m reading these posts and even though I commented myself, I’m finding the feed shallow. When did 60+ women get so shallow. We sound like young teenagers or young twenty year olds grousing about the guys at the bar.
There is nothing shallow about good grooming! Good grooming is the physical equivalent of good manners rather you are a man or a woman!
You’re right, it is a hoot! I weighed in earlier with my own take on the lack of good grooming. I was raised with these words; “If you don’t have something good to say, don’t say anything at all.” But, I guess I should have kept these thoughts to myself.
I always enjoy Brenda’s posts. She has a great sense of humour and a wonderful adventurous spirit.
Loved the “PS” to your first comment. Thanks, Joanna! xoxox, B
Monica, That’s a brilliant analogy!! What a great addition to the conversation! Thank you! xoxox, Brenda
Hi Joanna, I respectfully disagree. We all need to be aware of our grooming habits unless we’re a solitary hobbit who lives in a hole somewhere. Good grooming is more than just how we look. It affects our self esteem, how we see ourselves, who wants to hire us, date and marry us, whether the plumber is motivated to go out of their way to solve a problem with our kitchen sink and in general, how others react and interface with us where ever we go. There’s nothing shallow about good grooming. They… along with manners… should be included in Life Skills 101. Brenda
Well I think this post is a hoot!
I’m glad you liked it, Jeannette! Thanks so much for reading and letting me know! xoxox, Brenda
Very amusing and too, too true! Thanks for this.
Sheila, I appreciate that you took the time to read it and comment. Thank you very much! xoxox, Brenda
This so rang a bell…I also notice men with the hairy snouts, ears, etc. and missed facial hair after shaving, dirty eye glasses, etc.
I corral my husband and trim his eyebrows, ear hair, and nose hair…however he doesn’t let me get the nail scissors into the interior nose hairs because
I once “stabbed” him with the point. I also clean his glasses for him as I cannot stand to look at how spotted they are. He does keep up hygiene with daily baths, and washing of what’s left of his grey hair.
I think because he does not see well that he does not notice his facial hair. I have to give him haircuts regularly as he doesn’t like to spend money on barbers and grooming. Reading the above it all sounds like too much trouble but he is so handsome when I finish cleaning up his face
He is worth it, and I love him.
Joan, I think you make an important point. Guys may not see well enough with or without their glasses to find these things, but they’re also not accustomed to looking for them.My late husband was handsome and exceptionally well dressed and well groomed, but if he found a stray hair where it shouldn’t have been, he’d say I wasn’t “doing my job” by letting him know. Then on those occasions when I did notice something, he was a little bit miffed… Or maybe it was embarrassed. xoxox, Brenda
This post made me think of the way I raised my four sons. No matter how much I tried to teach good hygiene and grooming, they all at one time or another flirted with the outer boundaries of unkempt and filthy. I just didn’t get it. Things changed when romantic partners came along, but that sloppy slide into caveman still seems but a moment away.
Mithra, Such an important point! Many men are moments away from their caveman side. I think it’s in their DNA. Women were often chosen as mates because of how we looked… so we paid more attention to our grooming… not our ability to put meat on the table. This isn’t totally related, but you’ve reminded me of when I was 11 and had a crush on the older boy down the street who mowed our yard. My mother told me that shortly before my father died of cancer, he knew when this boy was outside because my father could hear me in the bathroom, using hairspray! LOL! xoxox, Brenda
My husband walked into the bedroom while I was reading this and wanted to know what was so funny! You! This is hysterical. I too wonder how women let their husbands out looking the way they do? Have you noticed the unkempt eyebrows? Do they not see them? Does no one see them? You are so right and I don’t know the answer. I’m fortunate that my husband takes excellent care of himself. It’s the folks in the wild. Just a wonderful piece Brenda
Thank you, Sandy! I appreciate that. It does make you wonder why they can’t see these things for themselves, or why someone close to them doesn’t speak up. I have no doubt your husband is a jewel. Can’t wait to meet you both! xoxox, Brenda
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