The other day, a dear friend—we’ve known one another since we were fifteen—and I had lunch together. She’s the one who, from the other side of the bathroom door, told me exactly how to insert my first Tampax. And when I got frustrated, she jokingly said, “Don’t make me come in there and demonstrate for you.” At our annual slumber party with another one of our girlfriends, we’re the ones who stay up late, talking about everything from men, religion, bad decisions… that seemed like good ones at the time… and like Nora Ephron, why we “feel sad about our necks.”
But during lunch the other day, we wound up talking about the condition of our vaginas.
Our conversation started off with why we’re done with skinny jeans, then moved on to those random hairs on places like our chin and ears that are long enough to have a balloon tethered to the other end, and a recent doctor’s appointment where I had my bladder scoped. FYI, I’m glad to say all is well. From there we progressed… or maybe digressed… to something my friend read online: Instead of showering, a woman, who was running late for her gynecologist’s appointment, had used a washcloth she found in her 6-year-old daughter’s bathroom. After one pass, she realized the cloth was full of glitter, but since there’s no easy way to get rid of glitter, she showed up to her appointment “sparkling” clean.
It’s a good thing we were in a corner of the, by then, nearly empty restaurant—we’d been there for three hours—because we were laughing so hard, you know the kind of laugh that makes you snort, that I noticed one of the servers looking in our direction. By the expression on her face, she could have been thinking, “Someone needs to cutoff their alcohol supply,” but we were drinking only water.
Then we moved on to the vaginal condition of many postmenopausal women that as recent as the 1980s, was shamelessly referred to as “senile vaginas.” By my way of thinking, this medical term makes it sound like vaginal changes as we age are related to the lack of cognitive function. Why am I not surprised? For eons, doctors have misunderstood women’s health issues, with some physicians responding to our symptoms and conditions as though they’re all in our head.
Like the doctor who suggested I might have MS, and then said, “But we won’t know unless we do an autopsy, and we don’t want to do that, now do we?” He thought his remark was hysterical.
Fortunately, I’ve also benefited from the advice of world-class doctors, but as I’m writing this, I’m reminded of the married gynecologist who, after my exam, asked me to a swanky out-of-town resort for the weekend. That evening, when I told my first husband about the doctor’s invitation, he laughed and said, “I’d say that’s a pretty good endorsement, wouldn’t you?” Men… Don’t get me started. All I can say is the condition of my 25-year-old vagina was in much better shape than it is now or I would have been an old maid. At least I can laugh about it.
25 thoughts on “GIRL TALK ABOUT THE CONDITION OF OUR VAGINAS”
How wonderful to have a friend that you can laugh with and share memories, and the ups and downs of life.
I love the “sparkly clean” story! As for women and menopause, isn’t it sad and really pathetic that the people(women) who make the world better and really keep moving are the people that are underrepresented in medical studies? And that their symptoms and “issues” are dismissed and swept under the rug.
Hopefully we will see some change because the fact is, the world cannot function or run without women.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Elizabeth, You’re right on target. Good friends are everything and women have been underrepresented when it comes to looking at cause and effect of everything from the cause of a headache to cancer. And that’s because until recent times, the vast majority of doctors and researchers were men, but that’s changing! Hope you’re having a great summer! Thank you for reading and leaving me a comment. xoxox, Brenda
This gave me a good laugh…about men in general!! Always something interesting here on your blog!!
Cindy, Thank you, sweet friend. I appreciate you! xoxox, Brenda
Wonderful post! This sounds like the conversations my high school girlfriends and I have. We graduated in 1968 and still have lunches and brunches together. Old friends are the best friends!
Diana, We’re the same age, so I get that!! Thank you, my new but wonderful friend. xoxox, Brenda
I really got a good giggle from your blog!! I printed out the glitter story for my gynecologist about 10 years ago and read it to him before my exam. He had been following me for gynecologic cancer so I was in the stirrups more than I liked. After reading him the story , I apologized and told him that I wasn’t all glittered up for MY appointment today lol. He belly laughed and said “you’d be surprised what decorations there are!!” lol Your 3 hour lunch was exactly what every girl’s heart needs!! Thanks for always bringing sunshine wherever you go!!
Hi Tammy, Oh, my! Don’t you know a gynecologist sees everything!!! LOL! You and I need a three hour lunch together sometime. xoxox, Brenda
Hilarious, and I can identify with all of it! Especially having old dear friends. They’re the best.
Thank you, Connie. What would we do without our trusted friends? xoxox, Brenda
Oh, dear. I thought this was where you were going.
https://drmaryclairehaver.substack.com/p/what-really-happens-to-the-labia
Loved 1010’s post and really appreciate you sharing this link. Sending to my besties.
Loved Leisa’s link as well. Brenda
Leisa, What fabulous information! I loved one reader’s comment, “If men’s penises started shriveling up painfully into a gherkin at age 50, there would be screenings starting at age 40. Complete BS for women’s healthcare.” So on target! Thank you! xoxox, Brenda
A glittering vulva! Well now LOL. Never heard of a ‘senile vagina’. So ridiculous. Must come from men with ‘senile penises’. You’re so fortunate to have such friends where you can share and discuss all sorts of topics. They are few and far in between. I missed my close friends (now deceased). Hoping one day to meet somebody like your friend where you can share laughter, the good and the bad. Friends like that are invaluable. Thank you Brenda for sharing! I LOVE reading your posts. Sunshine to me!
I hear you, Yvonne! Friends you can have meaningful, intimate conversations with are hard to find. Our other girlfriend from high school would have freaked out and jumped up and left the table if she’d been with us. “Sinle penises.!” LOL!!!!! We have a better chance of winning the lottery than hearing a male use that term to refer to their body/condition that way. Thanks for the laugh! xoxox, Brenda
Brenda, it’s me again. I wanted to add that a few years ago I went to my family doctor for an annual exam and he told a young nurse to do the Pap. After she was done she said to my doctor that my vulva (not my vagina) looked weird and she thought that something was wrong (all that in front of me). My doctor then looked at my vulva and said that there’s was nothing wrong and not all vulvas look the same. I couldn’t believe the ignorance of that young nurse. I guess she was comparing my vulva to hers (the only one she ever saw). Women need to be educated too especially nurses who are new at their profession. Another nurse didn’t know how to insert a speculum and tore my vagina which stated to bleed and when I told her that she was hurting me, she responded ‘You probably have something growing in there’. Needless to say that I had murderous thoughts. I was so angry and told my doctor that she was not to do another Pap test in the future and if he didn’t have the time to do it himself that I would leave. I never had an issue with my doctor as he is gentle and explain each step.
Yvonne!!!! What!!! That’s unforgivable!!! The doctor should know the competency and the skills of the people who work for him, especially with the kind of procedures you’re talking about. I’m glad you told him what happened. Geesh!!!!!! Thanks for sharing. xoxox, Brenda
Loved this. It hits home after last year’s hormone fiasco…
Glad that’s over with!
Gray, Hormone fiasco? Oh, dear!!! Oh, the things we endure!!! xoxox, Brenda
My vagina was retired when my sweetheart had prostate cancer. He had the option of having it removed, but with definite side effects. I loved him and was kinda ready for retirement myself, so the decision was easy, or so I thought. I did not count on the male fixation with the little blue pill, nor did I understand how much effort with no return the new situation would require. It took several exhausting attempts, with a heavy dose of geriatric gymnastics, but I was so happy when he was finally able to accept our new reality. We are still very loving towards one another, without the hopeful expectation of a miracle cure. I flushed all the little blue pills and felt exhilarated.
LOL! And that’s why I love you! Honesty, practicality and humor in spades. xoxox, Brenda
And speaking of vaginas, I must share “The Wall of Vulvas” exhibit done by a British artist. He began this artwork in 2006 and has made plaster casts of 400 women. I am not making this up! The link: https://www.thegreatwallofvulva.com/
Oh, Maggie!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is hilarious and weird! I’m not sure what to say other than the man is fixated… or maybe I should say, men are fixated on women’s genitalia. When viewed like this, though, there’s nothing sexy about any of them. Just the opposite. I find them kind of repulsive. What a strange experience that must have been for the women. Did you read where he has a “shop” where you can buy mugs, artwork and a “casting kit” to cast your own vagina? Wahaha…. Brenda
OH MY….I read this out loud to my husband and even he was laughing! Not quite the same as a group of girl friends talking and laughing, but almost!
Thanks for the smiles,
Linda